I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
