When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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