Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
