I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
