You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
