wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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