Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
