No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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