She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
