yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
