i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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