You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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