my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He felt like a one man threesome
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
