...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
