I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
