thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
