how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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