and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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