Redeem this text for a blowjob
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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