Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
