I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
