So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
