happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
