after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
