Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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