dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
