my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
