it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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