if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
