Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
