Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
