Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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