I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
