Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
