How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
