I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
