We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
