you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
