I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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