operation have a gay friend backfired
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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