And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
