Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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