tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
