Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
