In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
