well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
