I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize