She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
