guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
