I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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