I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
