Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize