I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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