if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
