First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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