hotel room ftw
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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