I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
