i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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