I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize