ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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