fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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