I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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