i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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