Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize