Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Pooping to opera.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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