my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
barbara walters just said penis...
In America we eat man semen.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Houston, we have a squirter
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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